Saturday stuff

Don’t really understand why but I find it soul destroying attending an otherwise empty gym. 6:30am on a weekend almost guarantees an empty gym so I pumped up my tyres, charged the battery and set off on my trusty steed.

But that brings another problem. The weekend Lycra brigade. Clogging up the cycle paths and delivering a plethora of insincere ‘Morning’s. By the time I delivered my 100th return ‘Morning’, it was with a dark grimace.

However, I reached Chesil Cove intent on a gert fry up from Quiddles café. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend it, mainly because I didn’t have one as they don’t open till 9am and I was an hour early. I was half expecting this so munched some ‘just in case’ crackers I had prepared earlier.

I have newly installed an ‘OUT THE WAY’ button on my handlebars which I only used once as I approached the rear of 3 lady joggers utilising the entire width of the Rodwell Trail. This thing (Groupon I think) emits a very enthusiastic screech sounding like a cartoon 1960’s ray gun. The 2 outside girls nearly jumped into the bushes and the middle girl just froze and I expected to see a bit of wee trickling down her leg. I wished them a jolly good morning and sped away.

Anyway, home and showered now, Coffee on the go and a nice bowl of All Bran dust (end of box).

Ooh that reminds me, New coffee machine arriving today. The old one blew all my electric so it had to go. I assumed it was a general electricity cut in the area but after 15 minutes, I checked with the neighbours and they were OK. I risked a visit to the mysterious box in the vestibule and flicked a few switches until everything boomed back into life. Apart from the coffee machine that slumped in the corner gurgling. I think it was asking for the last rights. Which I administered as I left it at the tip.

After the early morning exertions, I planned a day of red wine and sport (Saturday treat) but there’s cock all sport on today so I’ll give Netflix, Amazon and Sky a quick scour. Wouldn’t mind a barbecue but the kids are all busy (camping, craft fairs and shizz) which is fabulous bless them. If they’re happy, I’m happy.

I know it’s Saturday but retirement rocks, My arse hurts.

Mutterings

So much to say about the England cricket performance tonight but I’m a bit pissed so best I leave it. I’ll have another think tomorrow when undoubtedly I wont be bothered to comment. All I can say now is BRING BACK DOCTORS, POINTLESS and RICHARD OSMAN’S HOUSE OF GAMES. Bloody Wimbledon and the women’s Euros. Thank goodness Hollyoaks is still rumbling along.

But whilst I’m here, you remember the hoohah when a prominent footballer came out as gay (he wasn’t that prominent – can’t even remember who it was)? What if one of the women’s England team came out as heterosexual? I bet nothing would be made of it.

Even playing field my arse. Anyway, I love you all whichever way you swing. I was just saying….

This is Dave Russell just about to pass out, keeping you safe online and courting controversy at every opportunity.

And strangely no mention of Boris Johnson